Life Update

The last 6 months have been a little rough. I posted publicly I had mono in the spring which kicked my ass. But as I was dealing with all of that I was also going to see my cardiologists for my PVCs. For those of you who don’t know what PVCs are like I didn’t before I was diagnosed with the 3 years ago they are premature ventral contractions. In non doctor speak, the bottom of my heart sometimes beats before the top. I’ve been having them as long as I can remember. I didn’t know it wasn’t normal to feel my heart being all the time. It’s pretty normal for everyone to have a few of these day, but I have them constantly. They are pretty benign until you start having symptoms or they reach a certain percentage. The symptoms I experience are chest pain, fatigue, and anxiety, but I wasn’t having enough of them three years ago that they’d cause complications. I decided three years ago to forgo medication because I’d rather deal with the symptoms instead of dealing with more complications from medication.

Starting last fall they got worse. A lot worse. I don’t know why. It could be stress or it could just be me. They tried a lot of things over spring and summer to reduce them. Including medication and making me quit coffee. (While I had mono which might have been the worst torture ever) None of these things helped. I had to wear a halter monitor for two weeks. One of the weeks I was in Paris. They found I was having these PVCs 28%  of the time. Broken down this means one out of every 4 times my heart beats I have one. Above about 20% PVCs over time can weaken your heart over ten years, on top of the other symptoms, because they are extra work for the heart. Not good. This classifies them as an arrhythmia now. So I got referred to an electrocardiologist. She told me I should have surgery to fix it. Surgery terrifies me. Being put under is one of my only fears. She wanted me to try medication first so this went into another round of medication for arrhythmias which are a bitch themselves. They have tons of side effects and only work 10% of the time.

The medication worked but it started to give me headaches. First it was only one a week. Then it was two a week and by 6 weeks in I’d had a headache for 10 days straight. I couldn’t do it anymore. I couldn’t write. I didn’t write most of the time I was on them. I could barely focus on anything. I was trying to finish Unscripted with a headache and I was miserable. They took me off the meds and I went in to meed with my electrocardiolgist. She told me I needed to have surgery. Because I don’t have a ‘normal’ arrhythmia she won’t touch the surgery. I have to go to Austin. I went to have a consult in Austin and talked to the doctor. He fully agreed I need to have a cardiac ablation to fix the issue.

I’ve been pretty fucked up over it and not really talking about it since I found out in August which is the main reason I haven’t talked about it. I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to focus on it. But this past week I haven’t slept. I fall asleep at night but then wake up after two to three hours and overthink as one with anxiety does. After a week of not sleeping and being at GRL I’m ready for this to be done. Surgery still terrifies me but living in the interim has been some of the worst days of my life. So heart surgery it is.

I probably won’t be around social media for a little bit after. If I’m quiet I’m recovering.

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Movie star 101: A smile hides all pain. 

Quellcrist King has been playing a part his entire life. The more famous he becomes, the more he hides. The only person he ever let see the real him rose with him from nothing to the very top. 

They were the king and queen of Hollywood— and then she wanted a divorce. The only way to survive his depression is to bury himself in work. If he can be a character, maybe he won’t have to remember himself. A gay role can’t be any different than playing a straight one, can it? 

But instead of finding solace in the character, he finds it in his costar. Hale becomes his best friend, his lifeline, the light in his darkness. Quell is forced to examine everything he thought he knew about himself while filming intimate scenes with Hale that feel more real than anything ever has before. 

He’s lived his entire life following the script. What would life be like unscripted?

Unscripted is out November 6th.

11 thoughts on “Life Update

  1. Sending positive thoughts and vibes your way. With all that you’ve endured already shows how strong you have had to be and are to be able to push through. We are with you and will wait for you to heal and get better. ❤️D. 

  2. Surgery is really scary. I went in once on an emergency, so there was no time to think about it. That was okay. But, when it was planned…not okay…at all! You sit waiting for the gown. Waiting for meds. Waiting to sleep. And you’ve subjected yourself to it in some strange way, though you haven’t because there really isn’t a choice. But the doctors and nurses are great. They know it’s scary. And recovery isn’t ever fun, but you do recover. And then you’re better than before. I wish you calm and I wish you a speedy recovery.

    1. It’s so true though. The mind is terrible when given time to dwell. I’m not worried about the recovery. I’m stressed about the procedure itself. I can handle the rest. Thank you.

  3. I have had several surgeries and even though I am basically ok with it, I still get nervous the last few days before. Staff has always been top rate and I bet you find the same. It isn’t easy but try and rest your mind and know that it will all be worth it in the end.

  4. I am glad to hear that there is something available that will help you find some relief. I know the surgery will be a successf and after you will be a new person with a stronger heart which means you will be with us longer…bonus! Please try to take recovery just as it is prescribed. That is going to be just as difficult as the thoughts about the surgery itself. You’re going to a specialist who is familiar with these things. They’ll have you fixed up in no time. Then watch out world cause JR Gray on full steam night just be a dangerous thing. LoL good luck Gray. Take all the time you need and we will be here when you return.

  5. Hope your surgery goes well. A close relative of mine had to have a heart ablation in 9th grade for tachycardia and then again a year later because it didn’t take. He ended up getting a track scholarship at Rice University, so I guessed the surgery worked. He has not had any problems since.

  6. I’m sorry we didn’t chat more at GRL. I’ll be keeping you in mind and hope that after the initial recovery, you’ll feel much better without your heart working overtime.

  7. So, u scared the shit out of me haha. I don’t know you very long, but all this time I’ve thought of you as a strong person (still do, don’t worry). Will be thinking about you. Sounds fucking scary to me too so I totally get it. Lots of luck and all the shit you’re supposed to say, but frankly I’m flabbergasted.

  8. I’ve gone through some incredibly scary health things in my life, and I hope you are doing better than you were when you posted this. For you – and anyone else about to go through or starting on their journey with a health crisis – the thing I would like to pass on from my own experience is that nothing is as bad as you think it’s going to be. Your imagination is far scarier than what will actually happen, so try to settle down with a good book, a good friend, or a good movie and give yourself a break. Take everything as it comes and not leap ahead. Then get better fast and get back to work, because you’re really writing some wonderful stuff. Much love.

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