No you’re not welcome at my table.

During this time of year I start to see a lot of posts about ‘accepting family’ and ‘reaching across the table and hugging someone who disagrees with your politics’ and to ‘put it all aside to bring families together for the holidays’ and I want to say FUCK OFF.

This isn’t disagreements over small government vs large government and fiscal responsibility anymore. We aren’t fighting over taxes. This is life and death for me and people like me. I will not stand aside and be around people who want to dismantle my BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS. I will not hug someone who wants my friends to not be able to get married. I will not sit across the table and smile when someone tells me trans people like myself shouldn’t use their bathroom. I won’t laugh at the racist jokes those old family members make. I won’t welcome people into my house who don’t think queer people should be parents. I will not stand aside and let people with privilege tell me to get over my politics for a holiday. I don’t want to spent the holidays with those types of people. Now is exactly the time to tell that racist uncle he’s not welcome. Now is exactly the time to give the transphobic the boot. Now is exactly the moment to show that homophobia won’t ever be tolerated in your home.

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I burned brides to the ground this last year. I have zero regrets. I filled my table and made my family. I have never been happier. Family isn’t blood. Family are those people who treat you well. And abusive relationships come in all shapes and sizes. I can’t be fake and support transparent allyship. Allies that only stand behind us when it’s convenient for them. Fighting for human rights is never convenient. It’s never going to be easy to do what’s right. We are going to lose people we love along the way.

You’re not promoting acceptance when you allow those people in your house to sit at your table as long as they understand politics won’t be discussed. By allowing those people to keep on having relationships with you, you have told them it’s okay to continue to be racist, bigots, transphobic or any other toxic behavior. The only way to combat this is to cut people off. Not in my house. If all of us cut off those people and told them in no certain terms will they be allowed to be in our lives acting like that, maybe a few of them would learn. They’d see they don’t get access to our kids being this way. This isn’t normal behavior. They don’t get the privilege of being part of my family when deep down they don’t want me or people like me to have one. Stand up and say you won’t sit idly by while they support the dismantling of people’s rights.

It’s so harmful to tell people to put politics aside for the holidays. It’s shows you have no idea what some of us are fighting for. It shows it’s easy for you to put away your allyship when it’s convenient for you. You are normalizing their views and telling your social media friends it’s okay for them to be garbage humans during the holidays. You don’t get to tell people to put away their fight to be equal.

Telling people to stand aside and accept people who support racists and bigots is PRIVILEGE. It’s cis white privilege the rest of us cant afford even on the holidays. So this holiday season is the best time to tell those family members to fuck right off.

2 thoughts on “No you’re not welcome at my table.

  1. I really agree with you hun. I also burned bridges years ago when my baby brother and his partner were invited to my Christmas party and some other family members asked why was he “allowed” to bring his partner? After all, they said, he wasn’t really a partner. This was before gay marriage and yes they are married now. My reply was that I invited their wives, husbands, girlfriends and boyfriends, what was the difference? Well they’re gay and Gary would probably grow out of it eventually. I was insensed. Lost my plot and told all the ones who commented to “FUCK OFF!” One brother actually had the door slammed in his face when he dared to turn up with his wife! They were divorced a few years before his death. Christmas can be a time for tolerance but it’s the bigot that needs to learn tolerance. Not just for Christmas but every day of the year.

  2. Brilliant!!! I absolutely concur with every word. There’s no reason to make the holidays become a time of dread instead of joy because you’re expected to tolerate the intolerable.
    That said, can I point out the tiniest typo? You wrote you burned “brides” instead of bridges, and I confess I felt guilty giggling in the midst of such a passionate post.
    Again, I’m happy you’re standing up against toxic traditions! Wishing you the happiest holidays!!!

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