I’m not always an introvert!

Ive really felt like a huge introvert these past few weeks. Between packing, showing my house, writing, and being sick Ive not wanted to do much but hide out with a book by the end of the day. Ive read three this week and I fully admit I have a book devouring problem. But Im not an introvert. While trying to describe myself this idea came into mind, and Ive decided Im a mix of introvert and extrovert. So I went to Google to see if someone had put a name to such a thing. They had!

Ambivert: n Someone who exhibits qualities of both introversion and extroversion.

Everything is a spectrum! (Insert evil laugh) Even when you think its not a spectrum, it is. Everything is GRAY.

Writing is a lonely endeavor. At times this suits me nicely. I love the silence. I do love to socialize, but I also find myself raw from too much of it, whether it be from friends, or social media, or even too much time on my phone. There are days where it feels like a chore to interact. It has nothing to do with depression. There is not a better way Ive found to explain it than this feeling raw from over exposure.

Ive always spent a lot of time alone, and maybe this comes from being homeschooled, or maybe its because I was a swimmer for so long. I center myself with the peace of solitude. I know I suck at small talk, but Im not an introvert, when Im passionate about a subject I never shut up. I dont dread going out with my friends. There are times where I love to be social and talk to everyone under the sun. Whole months even were I talk constantly. Ive found the point I am in a book effects this as well. When I get close to finishing a book it consumes me. Everything else feels like noise, even small talk. I want to crawl inside the novel and focus until Im finished. Talking about anything else gets to be like nails on a chalk board. The same thing happens when Im at rough spot in my manuscript. Its like a puzzle I cant let go. It haunts every waking hour and I turn it over and over in my mind like a damn Rubix cube. 

After a long talk with a fellow author this morning Ive decided Im not going to try and make people understand this anymore. When Im around and feeling social Im around, and when I dont feel like interacting and I vanish for hours or even days to find the peace Im not going to apologize. I know in this word we live in, and more so as an author, there are some unreal expectations to be visible and all over social media at all times. It works for some, but being glued to my phone and social media twenty four hours a day doesnt work for me.  I dont even check my personal Facebook, my friends not connected to my author name know where to find me when they want me. No one should have to taper their behavior to please anyone else. I spent a long time doing it for someone I thought loved me and it wasnt enough. Im not willing to do it ever again.

My load seems lighter this coming week and I had a fucking amazing week. The house is sold for more than I expected. WOOHOO. I gave a friend back their smile which felt really good. I had a really great writing week. I feel like Im getting back in my groove. Ive let two betas read the first 15K of Clouded Hell and the feed back blew me away. Im getting more excited about it and Im going to get it done this month. I also got back some great comments on another piece as well.

My song obsession this week is: Hum Hallelujah by Fall Out Boy. This is one song I always come back to and every time I do it has a different meaning for me. This week it had a message I needed to hear. Its also the song my lyric tattoo is from. 

To do list:

Finish Clouded Hell

Decide how to work in the comments on His Vice

Pace myself reading  Magics Price because Ive been devouring books lately and I want this series to last. (Although I did just buy three new books at the library this morning.)

Hold on to the clouded days.

8 thoughts on “I’m not always an introvert!

  1. I was always an extrovert, if someone said lets go out I was first on the band wagon, I guess I was a party animal. That was until 2 years ago when major surgery had me doing nothing much except reading so that’s what I did for 6 months. Then I went back to work, being out for so long in the IT world seems like years so that left me a little “at sea”. I gave up in the end and now I’m still looking for a job, mainly because I get so stuck in a book that I lose hours. I’ve also become a tad introverted and will only socialise when and if I want to…this is not a “woe is me” story…this is me understanding where you’re coming from (but if you need anything reading I’m your gal…lol)

  2. I am an extreme introvert, but I still like to be around people – sometimes (I was home schooled also, would be interesting to see if there is a correlation between homeschooling and introversion – sorry, my nerd is showing). For me, the introversion/extroversion made more sense when I look at it in terms of energy; “where do I get my energy”? I like being around people for a while but it takes energy to be around them,and then I need “me time” to recoup my energy. How much “me time” is needed depends on how much I expended. Balancing is critical, and definitely has to be an individualized plan. We would rather you were around some, but happy and healthy for the longer term than burn yourself out trying to keep up with everyone’s demands in the short term.

  3. I love reading your blog posts and watching you find yourself and share it with us. I love your courage and honesty to share your life with others. I think we all have those days where we could stay curled up in bed reading or lost in a rerun of an old movie. Then when we are passionate about something, we want to tell the world. I agree about the pressure of an author to be visible 24 hours a day. It’s insane. Authors have lives too, authors are human. People forget that sometimes. Thank you for sharing your amazing self with us. I respect you for your honesty and courage.

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